A desire to achieve

As the picture above says ^^^^^

I wouldn't say anyone has wronged me... I have wronged myself...
There's nothing wrong with making effort in any relationship you are in (family, friends, romantic etc...) but if there's no effort on the other end then maybe you should stop.
I don't regret the people okay I regret wasting my time with a few people but overall it was my fault.
You create an image of a person in your head which in reality you shouldn't because its stupid they are human beings. Anyways what I'm trying to say is, I expected too much from certain people and in return because of my idiotic-ness (thats not a word but meh) I was disappointed.

I try so hard to forget things like that but it all comes back rushing to my head. It really does hurt honestly its the worst feeling in the entire world... a wave of dark cloud that consumes you whole. For minutes, hours even days you are left in a bliss of dark, negative thoughts: so much so it seduces you to think in the most pessimistic way, where you contemplate everything that has ever gone wrong in your life. It ends eventually, the tears dry up and you start to slowly numb again but then its evoked again. Its dangerous to think like this because at times I can't control myself. Whether its over-eating, under-eating, staying up or taking medication to try and sleep.
Its good that I have one friend that distracts me from some of this but at times its annoying because sometimes we just sit there with nothing to say and that friend expects you to come up with things to say its like I'm trying so hard with this fake smile and you are asking me for more topics to discuss.

I realize I am my very own enemy, I have read several books, articles to try to get over it but its like I want to do this to myself. The stressful thinking about the future, then bringing up the past as reference. Its horrible so much is expected of me yet I still look to the past. Its hard to forget certain things... those things are like venom that leave scars on you forever.
All the stuff that has happened to me in the last two years have really did take a toll on me...
I began to think of myself as worthless, ugly, insignificant, weak, 100x amplified than before because that unexpected hurt you got from a person you thought the world of.  Man everything is so deceiving. Sigh* anyways I'm coping its fair to say because more is expected of me..
I should probably stop thinking like this but it hurts I rather be punched a million times than to feel any of this... oh the stupidity....
Well at least its all over now...... its not foolish to fall in love but its very foolish to fall in love with a vision that doesn't exist.
stupid stupid girl!